Penis Envy.

I'll admit it, sometimes I have penis envy. But it is pretty much entirely related to how easy it is for them to pee.

Damn standing up, writing your name in the snow pee-ers. I'll be over here, squatting behind this tree and trying not to pee on my own foot. ::sigh::

Mobstah Names

Emily G-Dreamboat
Kristen S- Hairlip
Anne-Marie Singh- The Grown Up
Mary Parker- Twenty Eyes
Arezu Sarvestani- The Butcher
Jessica Johnson- Twinkle Toes
Hillary Hoffman- Kids Incorporated
Alicia Prewett- The Stare

EL OH EL

So what if the love of my life is a fictional character from 1985. DEAL WITH IT.
(Awesome comic from Cyanide and Happiness at Explosm.net)

RANT

OFFICIAL FIRST MARY RANT.!.!.!.!. THE HELL WITH EVERYTHING EVER FOREVER!

Specifically, Aeneas. Seriously, fuck that guy. Lameass Prince of Troy, whose mom is that slut Aphrodite. He accomplishes nothing during the entire 10 years of the Trojan War except escape, and he even manages to fuck that up by carrying his father out, who is old as fuck and about to die anyway, and leaving his wife behind. Who is totally fertile and still useful, unlike the literal dead weight of Dad. A dad who, according to this painting, wears Santa hats, even though it will be many hundreds of years before the first Christmas.

So he does escape the flames of his former city by running away like a stinking coward, and immediately sets out on an epic quest of failure. The first thing he does after he gets the hell away from those angry scary Greeks is bury his stupid dead dad and cry a lot.

The next thing he does is wander aimlessly around for a while, because he is too lazy and cowardly to do as his mom says even though she's a goddess and he really has no choice. The terrible fate she intends for him? Marrying a beautiful, rich, young princess and founding a family line that will eventually lead to Romulus. Literally the only thing he has to do to fulfill his "glorious" destiny is fuck his future wife. That's it. And he doesn't want to, because he's a total weakling.

There are more reasons why I hate him, but they can wait for another day. All this rage has made me sleepy.

surprisingly catchy

journalism at its best.  

Yay, I Done Been Published!

check it out, my story on post-abortion counseling through the catholic church.  a stranger even emailed me to send me pro-life propaganda.  awesome.

Here's a cool new way to understand nuclear disasters!

Potty humour